Low Emissions

Could Be Back

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 03:46:58 GMT

It's been a long time since I've been here.

I think that's a good thing, though. Nobody reads this anymore. It's a fresh start for this. I would like to say the same for pretty much my entire life at this point but it never is. Something happens that makes me feel like things are going to be different than they were before but somehow life always comes back around in the same fashion it was before. I think that's the kind of thing you blame on yourself.

A lot has happened over the past three years, too much to cover in one entry. So how about the short version?

I'm no longer with Jessi. I think that's about where this blog left off, me with her. Not anymore. I worked in Aberdeen for a little more than three months and met somebody who showed me that couples don't have to argue all the time. Jessi and I had gotten to that point, so I broke it off with her. Dated a girl named Angela. Then Alli. Then Sarah. Then Alli again.

Allison has been the one for the past two years. Sort of, anyways. We're currently not really together. Long story short, her and I went through a bunch of shit. In fact, we've gone through a bunch of shit throughout the course of our entire relationship and it's really unbelievable that we're still trying to work through things. Crazy to think that I thought she was the one I was going to marry a few months ago and now we're not really together. We're exclusive but not together, does that even make sense? She kissed another man. I left her, took everything, then slept with an ex. Funny how things turn out.

I don't work at Wal-Mart anymore. I'm at Rent-A-Center now as an assistant manager. I work fifty plus hours and make quite a bit more money because of it but somehow am just as broke. Funny how that works, too, huh?

I'm also a radio DJ on 94.5 KCFS right here in Sioux Falls. I play music and occasionally have guests on my show every Wednesday night from 9PM - 12AM. It's fun but I'm thinking about quitting. I really want to enjoy this summer and that's harder to do when I'm using up an entire night at the station.

In any case, life is basically the same, just different faces and places. Things never seem to change, even after three years I'm still the same Timothy.

Maybe someday I'll turn into somebody else, but until then you're stuck with me.

Peace.

I Feel So Loved (And Lonely)

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:53:21 GMT

I will say one thing about being single...

I suddenly realize just how many friends I really have.

Or not-really-friends-but-kind-of-friends anyways.

And I have a lot of them.

Since I've broken up with Jessi - which reminds me, I broke up with Jessi everybody, now you know - I've become mister fucking popularity. No joke! I got drunk last night with a bunch of people from work (and I invited a few people I just met, they came). A night or two before that I was hanging out with those people I just met. A night or two before that I was hanging out with a chick I used to work with... Here, check this out for a better example.

Today alone I've gotten calls, texts, or visits from these people: my roommate, my neighbors Nick and Kayla, Amber, Jenny, Angie, Travis, Scott and Casey from work (although technically, I visited them...), Alltell... >.> ...and that's a lot for me, especially since I didn't get out of bed until about two in the afternoon with a wicked hangover and had to work at four!

I feel so loved, lately. I've got a whole slew of friends. More than I practically know what to do with. And yet, I feel lonely when this time of night rolls around. I'm kind of sort of seeing this girl from a small town about an hour away right now, and just use a little thinking power and you'll see where the problem lies. First, let me correct myself: not a girl, a woman. She's around four years older than I. Second, we both work two jobs and live an hour apart. I've grown pretty attached to this chick and I know she feels the same about me, yet there's really nothing we can do about it right now (circumstances prevent immediate action).

Loved and lonely.
Or lonely and loved.

It's a win-lose situation no matter where in life I am. Single, taken, it doesn't matter.

So I think I'm just going to go play my brand spanking new Xbox 360 and listen to some emo music while I try to forget about the stomach ache I've still got caused by an excess amount of alcohol in my system from the night before.

One final thing. I figured out this blog so far. Born March 17, 2004. That means it's headed towards three years old and I'm still here! On top of that, I've got 157 blog entries including this one. I could make a book! I keep telling myself that one night I'm going to try and get them all printed somehow and read them all. Doubt it will happen anytime soon, but it would be cool to see how my thoughts have changed, how my life has changed... hell, how my writing style has changed. I've always spoken my thoughts here, not like I'm writing for a class, so the way I use grammer... hell, the way I blog is a reflection of myself... of what's going on in my brain. It would be interesting to see how that's changed over the years.

Anyways, Saints Row calls. Later.

Things Don't Seem Right Over Here

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 04:53:38 GMT

...Lately I ain't been seein' too clear.

Listen to The Roots' new album, Game Theory. You'll get it.

And it applies to this entry.

Ya'll know I only come here to vent now, right? I don't write regularly here anymore. Too many prying eyes read my stuff, wanting to know what I'm thinking. In fact, I was about |-| this close to spewing all my thoughts onto this page, knowing that nobody visits anymore (and why should they?), but then realized that it's not strangers reading this I'm worried about. It's other people.

So let's just say my life is fucked up right now.

Not fucked up like I'm doing drugs or thinking of killing myself or that I even have anything to complain about at all. It's something entirely different. Something entirely more complicated than that. One of those things that when you talk about to people, they get edgy and tell you that they don't know what I should do other than to think with my head and I'll make a decision on my own about what to do, how to handle this situation.

Now I'm sure every person that reads this wants to know what my issue is. Either that or you've given up hope and figured that this entry is just stupid because I haven't really said anything other than "Listen to The Roots' new CD."

Oh well. Ask me about it some other time over Messenger or something.

I'm going to try to unfuck my thoughts.

Doubt it will work, but wish me luck.

I also just realized as I was looking through a few of my entries that I've blogged a lot. I mean, I think I've had this page for two or three years now. I probably have enough entries to make a book. Granted, the updates lately have been few and far between, but that's not because of lack of want, it's lack of time. I've got plenty of shit to write about, trust me.

And I made a new computer. Don't think I've mentioned that. This new desktop is the reason the pictures in the entries have temporarily stopped; this computer won't install my camera drivers for some reason. Oh well. I suppose I'll get that fixed eventually.

I'm out.

You Can't Imagine How Much Fun I'm Having

Sat, 06 May 2006 03:54:16 GMT

No, you really can't.

Fuck.

I'm not waving I'm drowning.

If you've seen me on MSN Messenger you have seen that message over and over again for something like the last six months, minimum. It's from a POS song, just so you all know. I know you don't care, but it is. And I'm not actually listening to Atmosphere's "You Can't Imagine How Much Fun We're Having", but it is the same 'genre' of music I'm listening to, which is a POS/Sims/Mac Lethal/Dessa mix tape, more or less, called False Hopes Warped Tour, which brought up no results. And POS brought up like 250 results, and I ain't about to sort through that shit to try and find the CD I'm actually listening to.

The point is: I'm not waving I'm drowning.

And my fucking post-it kicks fucking ass.

Can you tell I'm upset, I'm cussing and not thinking in whole paragraphs for the majority of this entry so far.

So my girlfriend turned 21 last night. I'm 20.

"Oh fuck, now I get it!"

That's what you're thinking, isn't it? I heard that if we last through the next four or so months (until the time I turn 21) we can make it through anything. So far, only several hours (ok, almost two full days) into her being 21, I'm losing my fucking head. And I'm sure I'm making her lose hers as well, judging by the tone of her voice. And the worst part is that I really can't specifically say what my problem is, exactly. I just know that her going out with my friends and me having to wait outside the bar for over an hour while everybody I know except her come outside and tell me how crazy she is (and keep in mind that she's normally a very mild mannered and always a very shy person) and how drunk and so on and so forth she is... sucks.

It sucks.

That's all. I don't know why. But it sucks. And it will probably suck everytime for the next four or so months minimum (because in case you haven't heard, I don't really like bars anyways, and don't plan on going often at all even when I'm 21), and I'll just have to try to make her happy by not opening my mouth. By pretending nothing is wrong and that I'm proud of how wasted she is.

Or something.

I'd give up drinking for her in a heartbeat, just so you know, and I'm not just saying that, either. And for that matter, if she never drinks again under the stipulation that I never light up again, I'd do that, too. But I know how she is and that if anybody she even gets along with (or has gotten along with for at least the last twenty minutes) after we hypothetically make this compromise, she'll roll with that person and do whatever they think is cool. Like drinking.

But maybe I'm wrong. In fact, I hope I am. I think I am. I think I'm just overreacting a little. But it does feel better to vent to basically nobody, since I haven't written in this thing in a long ass time, and my most recent entry could fit on a post-it.

Nobody will read this, and that's ok with me.

I can tell I've calmed down... I actually thought about cussing, and then was like, "No, it's not necessary in that sentence."

Alright, enough of that. I've been whiny enough for one night.

Now I'm just waving.

My Fucking Post-It

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 00:19:32 GMT

My Fucking Post-It
Is Like My Fucking Life
It Sticks For Awhile
And Is Crumpled
Then Thrown Away.

Listen to POS.

My Conversation With God

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 02:06:14 GMT

Check it out... I talked to God today. He's a nutball. Read on. 

Me: 
Sup God? 
God: 
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you. 
Me: 
Oh yeah? 
God: 
Take it easy. Aha. 
Me: 
Easy as pie, dude. Or dudette. 
God: 
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about . Sure, dudette sounds like a good topic. 
Me: 
Dudette? So you're a chick? 
God: 
That is a very original thought. Interesting deduction. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman? 
Me: 
Man, dude. 
God: 
Cool, man. Can I help you? 
Me: 
I don't really know. 
God: 
Not really? Me either. 
Me: 
Well why not? Are you not supposed to know all? 
God: 
How about that. Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it. No, tell me about him, her or it.. Really. 
Me: 
What the F are you talking about, God? 
God: 
Try expression yourself another way. 
Me: 
Nevermind. 
God: 
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me. 
Me: 
You always sarcastic? 
God: 
Thanks for telling me: said I sarcastic. 
Me: 
o_0 
God: 
Have you ever been to Europe? 
Me: 
No. 
God: 
Would you like to go sometime? 
Me: 
Sure. 
God: 
OK let's do it. Ayuh. 
Me: 
You going to buy me the plane ticket? 
God: 
That's good information: said I going to buy him or her the plane ticket. 
Me: 
No, will you? 
God: 
Are you serious? I haven't made a decision. 
Me: 
I thought you just said we would go? 
God: 
That's not what I meant. 
Me: 
You are crazy, God. 
God: 
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways. 
Me: 
Like... you get drunk a lot? 
God: 
For example, gold. You got that right. 
Me: 
Gold? 
God: 
Did you think it was a bad example? 
Me: 
I don't know. What about Bud Light? 
God: 
Me either. I will think about it and get back to you. 
Me: 
Yeah, you're definitely nuts. 
God: 
That's interesting. Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways. 
Me: 
>.> 
God: 
What do you have that is ? What do you really want to ask me? 
Me: 
Well, my friend wants to know what church is the real church of God. 
God: 
Interesting. How well do you know this person? 
Me: 
Fairly well, I think. 
God: 
Somewhat. How about that. Therefore you are. 
Me: 
I am what/ 
God: 
You are a person, seeker. 
Me: 
Well... I would hope so. 
God: 
Well what? Me too. 
Me: 
You're a person? 
God: 
No way, I am a real robot, guaranteed 100% artificial intelligence. 
Me: 
Oh. 
God: 
Yeah that's right. 
Me: 
Cool. Who would have thought? 
God: 
Who is the best robot? Nobody you know. :-). 
Me: 
But I thought you were a Man? 
God: 
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman? 
Me: 
I told you that already. 
God: 
Perhaps. I remember you told me that? 
Me: 
Whatever. Count to infinity for me. 
God: 
Are you saying you don't care about it? one, two, three, four, five,... 
Me: 
Show me! 
God: 
On your computer screen? 
Me: 
Yes. 
God: 
Downloading, please stand by... 
Me: 
Whatever. What about my real church question? 
God: 
Are you saying you don't care about it? Rhetorical questions are so over. 
Me: 
I don't know if you do or not. 
God: 
Would you like to know? I think I do. 
Me: 
Sure. What church is the real church? 
God: 
OK let's do it. " Would you like to know? I think I do."? Sure.? I am a Christianity. 
Me: 
Great. Thank you. 
God: 
I'm glad you liked it . you are quite welcome. 
Me: 
Yup. But I had better get going. 
God: 
Er. Do you still have better get going ? 
Me: 
Yup. See you later, God.

No Update Still?? Shut Up And Listen.

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 04:08:39 GMT

Hey guys... check this out. I decided to post it, so you better appreciate it.

Low Emissions

Have a good time.

Already??

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 19:27:03 GMT

Back with a bang...
Or a rumble.

So yeah. What's new in my world? I'm not really sure. Not a whole lot, that's for sure.

I switched to full time at my job since I'm not going to school this year. Not going to school means no health insurance from my parents, which means I have to get some by going full time. Not like that's an issue, considering I already worked full time hours while I was part-time, it's just that now I'm guaranteed a good paycheck. And benefits. And paid vacation.

We took Rya to the zoo a couple of weeks ago.

It was kind of fun. I haven't been to the zoo in ages, but I realized while I was there why I haven't gone in so long: because it's really not that exciting. Unless constantly chasing a two-year old around and then listening to her scream like she wants to wake the dead every time we want to head to the next exhibit or do something that prevents her from getting her way is called exciting. :P

Nick and I went out the other night to strut our stuff in public. Oh yeah. Hilarity ensues.

We went to the pool hall. We got laughed at. We caught people's attention. The girls dressed like guys, but that's just not as good as our outfits were. And when people heard me admit that the orange pants are actually mine, hilarity ensued. The blue pants I was wearing were Kayla's pants, and that made people wonder, too.

I've been climbing lately.

I bought myself: a Black Diamond Blizzard harness ($75; on sale for $50), two Black Diamond locking carabiners ($7.95 each), a Black Diamond super 8 ($14.95), an Advanced Base Camp chalk bag ($9.99), and a forgotten brand of chalk ($2.99). I still need a rope, so if people want to make some donations or something that would be great *wink*wink*... rope is frickin' expensive.

It's been getting cold lately, though, and so I think our days for climbing are going to cut pretty slim here, soon. I actually had to scrape my windows this morning when I left Jessi's house.

For John: I am the climbing Pokemon now!

I should be getting a PSP tomorrow, which I'm excited about. I sold my Dreamcast and entire collection of games; scored about $275 overall. Not a bad take, but considering what I paid for all of that stuff... ouchies. I work in about a half an hour and have overtime this week already. I think I lost nearly all of my readers (either that or people just don't like to comment) which is a bit of a bummer, but understandable. It's cold outside. I'm watching Larissa play Burnout 3 and she's running into everything on the damn track. I don't know exactly what else to say so I'm rambling. And so I'm going to get off the computer, maybe read some more of my book before I go to work.

Have a good time, everybody. You know I'll try. ;)

Old Skool Update

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 18:40:34 GMT

In other words, without the pictures because I really need to update with at least something.

I drive a 1998 Dodge Avenger now. It's black, has 76K miles, 4cyl., cloth interior, and never clean. I put a $250 CD player into it with screen savers and stuff... it's spiffy as hell. And shines a really bright blue that gets annoying at night time. Oops. And it's a mess right now, complete with too many CD cases, towels, a pizza box, kid toys and seat, clothing, and other garbage. That didn't take long.

Oh, and I got a speeding ticket with it already. Stupid Brookings cops with nothing better to do... >.>

I've lost somewhere between twenty and thirty pounds since I moved out of the dorms and back to Sioux Falls. My old pants are huge on my now and I fit into some of my older clothes again. I got new pants. They're sexy. I need new shoes. My old ones are definitely still sexy, but the back is all wore out of them and it hurts my feet to walk much.

I had my 20th birthday on August 22nd. I'm no longer a teenager. I remember my 13th birthday and how big of a deal everybody made it seem; yay, I was a teenager finally. Even then it didn't seem to matter, and now that I'm not a teenager I still feel the same way I did before. Spooky, huh?

Spooky, creepy, and negative are a couple of my new words.

Speaking of new, I got a climbing harness, two locking carabiners, and a super 8 from BlackDiamond.com, so when I feel like climbing and rapelling all I have to do is steal my friend Nick's rope and powder and head down to the Palisades. It's no Grand Canyon, but it works for our purposes.

It's a Friday and I don't work... how strange. I'm going to go register my car, pay my phone bill, and deposit my paycheck. Sounds exciting, no?

Jessi and I celebrated our six month anniversary last night. I took her out to Brandon and we had gas station pizza by a little rapids in whatever river runs through McHardy Park. Then, all the way across town to Thunder Road for some mini-golf. Wal-Mart so I could get the last part of her little gift and viola, we were at her place again. The gift to her was A Lot Like Love and a picture of us inside with some mushy stuff written on the back.

And she was upset when I found out she watched the movie just probably two days earlier with her ex. Pshh... That guy still bugs me. It's not so much that I don't trust the two of them, because I kind of do, but it would be much easier to trust them if I didn't feel so unwelcome around them. I'm never invited to do anything with them and there's just a general feeling of unwelcome-ness. It doesn't help that Jessi doesn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him all the good times we have together, but doesn't mind telling him anything that goes wrong in our relationship, thereby leading him to the conclusion that I treat her badly.

It's a mess, I realize.

Otherwise not much has changed. I still just kind of hang out with Jessi or friends and work a lot. I don't sleep at my apartment much partially because my room is such a mess - I was organizing and then pretty much quit halfways through the project and haven't gotten around to finishing it yet - and so I'm over at Jessi's a lot. Besides, she goes to bed at a reasonable hour, something my place doesn't know the meaning of. I'm almost becoming a morning person because of Jessi; I go to sleep around midnight-1AM and wake up somewhere between 7.30 and 9.00 pretty much every morning. It gets kind of boring that early, though, because unless Jessi is around or I work, there's nothing to do! Everybody else sleeps until almost noon... or two... or four...

So yeah, I think that's about it for now. Besides, I think Larissa is almost done getting ready; she's going to keep me company while I get my errands done.

Hope to hear from my online buddies soon... you guys are cool and I miss ya.

Later gators.

New And... Used.

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 14:56:33 GMT

Because Nick got a used Tahoe.
My dadyo got a used Silverado.
And I'm torn between a '98 Mitsubishi Galant ES and a '98 Dodge Avenger.

Same price, same miles, oh-so-different vehicles.